Suckered

Keeton:

Keeton is into not sleeping...and he is really good at it.  Every night Keeton goes to bed like a little angel, but I know better and he does too.  We have this conversation every night:

Me: Night, night sweetheart.  Now, you go to sleep and stay in your bed ALL night (and yes, I do this in a loving tone).

Keeton: Smiles and blows me a kiss...says nothing.

Me: Okay, I'll see you in the morning (aka 12 a.m.).

Keeton: Nothing, no promises on his part.

We both know that after about five peaceful hours, and just after I've entered REM, he will start screaching and shaking the rails of his crib.  Seriously, for anyone that sleeps through an alarm clock...I've got to copyright this sound.  I (or Jeff) will, as if on auto-pilot, drag ourselves from our warm bed to get him, put him in bed with us and then try to go back to sleep amidst Keeton's wild sleep patterns. 

Alarm goes off at five, and the first word on my brain is "sucker".  That would be for me, because once again I have failed in "just letting him cry" and go back to sleep.  And frankly, I don't avoid him crying it out  because it breaks my heart or makes me feel like less of a mom; I do it because I NEED SLEEP!  So every morning I vow to not fall prey to the nightly bedtime visitor.  I promise myself to stay strong, to just say no, to teach my son patience and self-soothing.  And then...it is midnight, and I am SOOO tired...